Funny Mondays

Sorry if this is later in the day, but at least it is still Monday and hopefully it will make the end of your Monday that much better!

 

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.
Seconds before the end, a bolt of lightning struck taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.
Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.
Satan is astonished. He stutters, "But how?! I lost everything, yet
Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?!"
God chuckles, "Jesus saves."

 

Some Mom, Dad humor:

The Anderson family just moved into their new home when a neighbor asked 5-year-old Tommy Anderson how he liked it.
“It’s great,” Tommy said. “I have my very own room and my brother Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room too! But poor mom, she is still with dad…”

 

Don't we wish it was as easy as this?

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They came across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you one wish. That's three wishes total," said
the genie.
The Canadian said, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
George W. Bush, said, "I'm very curious, please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually impenetrable."
George W. Bush says, "Fill it with water."

 

Although this is about us women, I still think this is funny!

Why do women pass less gas than men?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure!

  

I can really this see this one happening!

An English professor wrote the words, "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and told the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

 

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